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Old 11-11-2009, 01:15 AM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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Originally Posted by Legion View Post

Another example. I had my first kiss with Bee one night in the parking lot after rehearsals. Cloud 9, right? Well sure, except I hadn't planned on having a first kiss that night, so I hadn't notified Nyx in advance which now means I need to tell her ASAP because every minute that passes is seen in her eyes as another minute of betrayal, deception, withholding, non-disclosure type lying. So cloud 9 has this bigger, ominous thundercloud over it.
ok. here is my .02.

If you didn't like how Nyx wanted the boundaries to be, or the patterns that were repeated, you might have wanted to end this relationship because of some fundamental incompatibilities. Nothing WRONG, just incompatible.

For example- the first kiss with Bee: If your agreement was to talk B4 anything physical happened, then you may have wanted to back off, say to Nyx "I want to do x with y" first. If she agreed, and you went forward, and she still freaked out: there go those incompatibilities again. (disclaimer: this relationship paradigm is hard... i get that. But if the behavior someone, say Nyx's NEVER changes, after repeated events that are AGREED upon over much time, then that is a PATTERN of behavior to watch out for).

So, you SHOULD have a big dark cloud hanging over you... it is called guilt. it only comes if one feels they are doing something inconsiderate, wrong, etc. OR they could have no heart, and feel nothing which I doubt is you. I would examine why that comes from you, inside. Not project it outwards on Nyx. It is your feeling, it must be there for a reason.

If I were Nyx, I would question your intentions too. Your pattern contains withholding of information. Even little things done repeatedly can have a big impact: e.g. not telling her about coffee date.

All anyone has to go off of is someone past behavior - it is the best predictor of future behavior. Sure, people make mistakes, they can change, etc. but it takes ALOT to show someone you love that that is the case. Arguing semantics doesn't do it for me.

This post is focused on you, because it is your thread... I am by NO MEANS talking sides here. I get from your replies on this forum that you want to protect yourself. How about, just looking inward and seeing how you can become a better partner as a result of this experience?
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