My husband's gf bought him expensive gifts right from the start. I was freaked out. She went over the top. He lapped it up. I thought it was highly inappropriate, when they hardly knew each other, and she is a single mom with 4 kids -- he shouldn't have accepted! I was especially fried when she bought a book for my kids. OVERSTEPPING.
My bf and I never bought each other anything. Family resources stayed in one another's respective families. Period. (Actually this was quite freeing!)
Now it's Christmas and (I just blogged about this earlier today) he SWEARS he is not buying a thing for her and her 4 kids. Hello? Give me a break. If he does buy them gifts, he will lie to me about it. If he doesn't buy them gifts, he is an asshole, for not, since she's been so abundantly generous towards him!
I did read "The Five Languages of Love," and one of the languages is gift-giving. It was an interesting read. I think my husband has found a woman who speaks his language. That makes me sad, but I realize maybe my bf and I speak the same language, and there were reasons all along for why I fell in love with someone else. That's not to say you can't learn to speak another "love language," tho.
In any case, I think gift-giving, the boundaries placed on it and the level of respect for those boundaries, is VERY important in a polyamorous relationship. Please, don't "suck it up" -- you have every right to be concerned. Reason this one out, before it leads to some serious resentment.
Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy