Thread: How to explain
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:39 AM
Marbit Marbit is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 4
Default How to explain

Hi

I come as someone that is totally new to polyamory and I come to you for a piece of advice. I'll describe my problem in detail bellow but basically the question is: how would you explain to a monogamous person that one can like many people and yet keep loving one?

My situation:
I've been for the last two years in a monogamous relationship (that is also my first serious relationship) and from the start I had one problem. The problem is that being in this relationship hasn't kept me from considering other people attractive and my girlfriend thinks that is emotional betrayal.

At first I tried to explain her that I just considered that normal and something that I believe is deeply ingrained in me, that she should not feel less attractive because of that and that I don't intended to cheat on her.

I had no luck talking with her and I had some awful days. After trying many times I just gave up and promised to “try to change” even thorough I told her that I considered that very difficult and unlikely. After that, I've had two marvelous years but also two years marked by constant conflict.

I just keep looking at girls and it may only be a second but that is enough to cause problems. I think that she is always a bit frustrated and lives in constant fear that I may leave her. I really like her and I would like to continue in this relationship. Breaking up with her is not an option for me.

Well basically that's it. I tried to keep it short but if you need more info to answer just ask. Sorry about the English, it is not my native language so I make a lot of mistakes and I write unnaturally formal. I also know that it is kind of a very general question but please, could you say (briefly if possible) how would you explain to a monogamous person that one can like many people and yet keep loving one?

I really appreciate all your help.
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