View Single Post
Old 11-10-2009, 11:14 PM
Legion's Avatar
Legion Legion is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 114
Default Honesty and Openess

Extension from this thread covering the topic of honesty and disclosure.

basically I think of myself as one of the more honest persons I know. When I was a kid I started making up stories and lied all the time through high school. When I was 17 I fell in love with this girl and we ended up breaking up because I lied to her. It affected me deeply and since then I vowed that I would be honest with others and myself.

My "withholding" with Nyx. An example is what I was doing with these other two women when Nyx and I were still dating. First problem was my first date. I had told Nyx about a month or so earlier (Feb-Mar?) that I wanted to go back to being in open relationships. I then met a girl, Lily, who oddly enough mentioned in the first 15 minutes I knew her that she was poly (another story for another time). So we exchanged numbers, I told Nyx that I had met her and was interested. Nyx was pissed, we talked it out some. I called Lily one day, picked her up and took her to coffee , but I didn't tell Nyxt (I know NOW, big mistake!) Nyx saw us downtown (I mean, we weren't hiding by any means. My mistake was in thinking that since we were in an open relationship I could hang out with another woman without filing a petition and making a declaration of action. I don't remember the specifics, but it was sort of an impromptu "let's get a coffee" sort of thing and I had no intention at any time of keeping this a clandestine affair. So, seeing us downtown, Nyx flew into a rage, circled the block, called me and tore me a new one when I answered. I apologized to Lily for having to ditch out on her (she said not to worry about it and that she could walk home) and went to try and calm Nyx down. She was tossing me out but eventually we talked it out.

So, not a great foray into the world of poly.

The problem always seemed to be that no amount of information was enough. Or that it could not come soon enough. Which was also a problem for me. I imagine that I want to go on a date, so I tell Nyx about it. She gets upset and we fight about it. So now, I go on a date feeling crappy/worried about Nyx. Or I call and cancel the date because I'm feeling crappy about going on it. Not the ideal I've had in mind.

Another example. I had my first kiss with Bee one night in the parking lot after rehearsals. Cloud 9, right? Well sure, except I hadn't planned on having a first kiss that night, so I hadn't notified Nyx in advance which now means I need to tell her ASAP because every minute that passes is seen in her eyes as another minute of betrayal, deception, withholding, non-disclosure type lying. So cloud 9 has this bigger, ominous thundercloud over it.

Which makes me want to delay... just a little while. It's not that I don't want Nyx to know, I just want to enjoy the bliss for maybe a little while before I get into a knock down drag out fight?
Often he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been rent asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him...and he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.
Reply With Quote