hmm. this thread was started after Nyx and I's convo last night. 1st and foremost I'd like to repeat a little folk wisdom I heard somewhere. "There are three sides to every story. My side, your side and the truth."
"They decided to not use protection as they felt it fairly safe."
- To clarify, we had a convo where I stated that my only partner the last year and a half has been Nyx. I was tested shortly after Nyx and I got together, more than 6 months since contact with my last unprotected partner who had also tested clean. Nyx had also been tested. My new partner, Bee, stated that she had tested clean in January and had sex with one person since then, with whom she used a condom. We both are tested regularly, though I usually have been tested every 6-8 months, I have not been tested since the time after Nyx and I became partners.
We have/were/are not sleeping with anyone else, since (including Nyx). The only risk I feel we took was the risk that we could be lying to each other about our Hx.
Fairly safe? Fairly safe. 100% safe? No. But hardly anything I ever do is, be it driving to the grocery store or being dropped by helicopter in the middle of a 60,000 acre fire. But I have conversations, get STI testing, wear my safety belt and attend training sessions in hopes that these actions will mitigate the dangers to a reasonable extent.
This is not safe enough for Nyx. Example: she sent me a link to this article about fluid bonding, testing, 6 months, more testing. I can't find it. But it seemed like a good safe way to do business, I agreed; then she told me that wasn't safe enough and sent me an article about Syphilis; no fluid exchange, contact with sores. That's fine. She wants to take the safety to the next level. I'm fine with a safety belt, a driver I trust. Maybe the car has an airbag, a rollbar, maybe not. Maybe it's safer not to get in the car at all.
Nyx and I talked last night about Bee and I's sexual interaction and how Bee told me she wanted an NSA relationship but that I:
1. Turned her down on that offer. We had an email exchange I will paraphrase here
"B: Can we sleep together already or are you stuck on your "relationship" thing?
L: you mean my stated desire for intimacy with someone I have sex with? another 1 night stand won't do either of us any good...I know you're scared...I am waiting...Sorry if it's so frustrating but...Whenever you think you're ready...
B:I hate you for somehow being able to understsand me. i dont know what i want anymore."
2. as illustrated by the convo above, I saw the motivations for Bee's desire for an "NSA" but also that those motivations were based on fear of repetition of past undesirable relationship patterns. I explained this to Nyx in greater detail last night, which makes it frustrating to see statements misleading the understanding of the situation as a merely genital interaction on either Bee's part or my own.
So that's the subject of safe sex. There's two other issues I see here, one being honesty/openess the other being a little bit of clarification on how I could "...risk losing our relationship, which he claims is SOO important to him, in order to be with this girl who only wanted to have sex with him?" Which I will now go start another thread on and place it here
Originally Posted by Manno
Like a sledgehammer to a house of cards.
or like the big bad wolf to a strawman... I feel I've been tagged and bagged here as some philandering player, not the man who met Nyx when he was 18 and after over a decade was finally reunited with her... (more complete story here)
...flew halfway across the world (Israel) and moved to be with her in a town where she was the only person I knew, lived with her, shared moments like her and I in the bathroom delivering her son. The only person who showed up to his 1st birthday party that she planned yesterday.
Not to toot my own horn too much.
Yeah, I "fucked some other girl before you", dozens of them, in fact. I've had one night stands, sex with people I hardly knew. Actually, in our late teens, Nyx and I were one of those sort of couplings. I doubt we knew each other more than a week before we were having sex; in retrospect, I wouldn't change a thing.
I don't know if I'm crazy, Nyx is crazy, both or niether. She called me a psychopath on the phone last night and I admit I don't really know, maybe I've got some deep seated psychological issues and I can't communicate properly or I'm subconciously manipulating everything to some purpose that my concious self isn't cognizant of. I don't know. And I also see things she does and wonder like when she broke up with me and told me she was only happy when my other pursuits were sabotaged or she was sabotaging them. Or the "safe sex/fluid bonding isn't safe enough" thing... is that just another blockade? Idk... but as I say in the other thread I started I know we love each other and I know we would like to find a way for us to be together AND happy.
(haha my goal was to be as succint as possible here.... an impossiblity for me)