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Old 12-21-2011, 08:43 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 641

I was too tired to keep on writing, therefore the lack of further explanations. But you are good in catching up on your own as it seems

Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Me, I don't want anyone around me, except to bring me the necessities (so in the next room is OK). I get anxious and can't rest completely if they are trying to cuddle me, but then I feel guilty and don't want to tell them to go away, so I put up with it.
If you leave the anxiety part out, this pretty much covers Lin's reasoning. He didn't know how to respond, balancing the options 1. being alone and rest (what he wanted) and 2. being with me and spend some time together (what mainly I wanted). Lin is a thoughtful and considerate guy, he would think about what I want and need even in such a situation when he feels completely like he has been through the wringer and uncomfortable because of his illness.

Originally Posted by rory View Post
I was wondering if you've thought of why you got so frustrated with Lin when he didn't tell you whether he wanted you to spend the night with him or not? I see that you didn't offer your own opinion about it either, though you then missed him.
I got frustrated because I felt disconnected, wanted to share some intimate moments, was prevented from doing it by his illness and got no clear signal how he was thinking about the matter (meaning: more disconnecting going on in that moment). When I noticed that it was all mainly about my needs without considering Lin's, I got upset with myself because I didn't like how my in a way egocentrical behavior impinged on Lin. He wanted to make room for my needs even though he would have been in the position to have his considered as top priority.

Originally Posted by rory View Post
I don't think you should beat yourself up and think you're too needy, but ask for something to get your need of closeness met. He may not be able to give it if he doesn't feel like it, but you won't get it if you don't ask.
I am the dominant one in our relationship(s) and I always asked for something. Someone made a comment on how negative it could be, if there is more than one alpha male in such a relationship structure … well, we haven't got alpha males, we have me Sward and Lin are both personalities that want to please, care a lot about my wishes and consent to my opinion when decisions have to be made. Not in a D/s kind of way or something like that, I just tend to have the upper hand and manage to have my needs met primarily.

Because of this underlying dynamic I was upset about myself when I tried to push the buttons in a situation where I was doing some kind of harm to Lin. He needed his rest, I wanted to be with him, he knew what I wanted and started considering it despite looking out for himself. If you now add that I can be a mule at times and love to try to get my way you understand why this worried me and I became mad with myself.

Originally Posted by rory View Post
(If only I would learn to take my own advice... I guess it's a process.)
Similarities over and over again, just what I said concerning the advice I gave to you. I haven't put all of it into practice as well ^.^'

Originally Posted by rory View Post
Nice to see some pictures of you. All three of you are so hot.. I mean pretty.
Hrhr Thanks a lot for the compliment.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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Last edited by Phy; 12-21-2011 at 08:46 AM.
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