Originally Posted by caragh87
I feel like I deserved this, I deserved to be cheated on. I deserved to be lied to. I deserved to be hurt and betrayed.
Look after yourself and if you can let go of the feelings that you deserve to have bad things happen to you.
It's understandable that you have those feelings - all of us who grow up in the Western world are taught from a very young age (less than 5 for kids going through the nursery system in the UK!) that making mistakes is a bad thing.
We are taught that there is a right answer and a wrong answer, that we should know them in advance and that if we make a mistake, we have committed some sort of moral crime and deserve to be punished for it.
It is no surprise that we tend to carry those feelings into adulthood.
But the way we are educated is flawed. None of us can predict exactly what will happen in the future. We can get better at it with experience but we can't ever be perfect at it.
Inevitably, lots of the things all of us try to do won't turn out the way we hoped they would. That is just the way the world is. All of us hope that new things will turn out well but sometimes they don't. Or sometimes they turn out very differently and the different way turns out to be good too in the end.
I hope you are able to look after yourself. How well populated is the place you are living in now? Can you look for groups to join that are doing things you're interested in? Is it possible to rent somewhere else to live nearby?
Sending you thoughts of strength.