First and foremost, thank you for the warm welcome and the sympathy. It's actually rather touching. I apologize that it has taken me this long to respond, but work as been very consuming.
I can see and understand your point. I have been taking it to heart, and allowing myself to be upset and angry about everything. I have been thinking a lot about your points, and you are right, I think what hurts the most is how little my feelings mattered in all of this. However, part of me both knew that they were in a married relationship, and that if it came down to things, I would be the one to go, so then I feel almost stupid for being upset about it. It's definitely a roller coaster. But yes, I have been focusing more on being upset and angry, and it's helping.
I really enjoyed the blog and threads, thank you. They had some very good information in them. Certainly work the time to read. I see your point in how hierarchies can suck. I suppose part of it was my mistake for thinking that I would be treated like an equal partner, when in reality, I was not. It was foolish of me, and that really is my fault. I suppose I got caught up in the intense and amazing connection we established at first over long distance, and even more so in person. Thank you though, and while I don't exactly find solace in the idea of others being in the same pain I am, it is nice to know that there are people here that can at least empathize with me and not think I'm being silly or whatnot. So thank you again. *hugs*
Yeah, it most certainly did suck, that I can say. However, it was nice to at least be treated respectfully and honestly. I guess that's about all anyone can really ask for at the end of the day. I can totally see what you mean by feelings ebbing and flowing. There are good days and there are bad ones. It's gotten easier, I suppose. It's still painful, but it's a duller pain, if that makes any sense. I have been taking your advice though as well, and remembering that it wasn't anything I did. While it's not much, it does help. It would be easier if she would speak to me and, as horrible and sadistic as it might sound, just know if she is at least somewhat as upset as I am. If for no other reason that to know if I was someone she really cared about, or if I was just a fun life experience that she will be able to laugh at later with her friends. But until then, I'll just focus on your last statement as well. Thank you very much, and I'm sorry you are dealing with the same. I wish you the same joy in your future as well.
Again, thank you all so much for the kind words and support. I was really floored by it, especially coming from such complete strangers. It's funny how that actually helps. :-)