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Old 12-21-2011, 12:24 AM
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SoCalExile SoCalExile is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Earth
Posts: 35

Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
These are very good questions and likely are part of her fears. Tell her what you said here and give her your thoughts to her questions and ask for her input. She may be imagining things you would never even consider doing, but she doesn't know that because you are afraid to talk to her.
Very likely true. I did actually start making a list of things I do want in a poly arrangement versus things I am not looking for or am completely willing to negotiate on. And some things that, while they sound like fun (sex commune, anyone?) are simply too far out there or impractical for me to really muster up anything but the most theoretical interest in them.

Yeah, I gotta show her that list.

Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
My husband is also very "conflict-avoidant" and it has caused a great deal of harm to our marriage. Stuff that could have/should have been addressed and dealt with immediately got pushed aside and avoided... We are still working on the hard discussion thing, but have made progress and it makes a world of difference.
You're completely right about this. We have, though, cracked open that door. Over the weekend she apologized for asking me these questions that make me uncomfortable, and said she would try and not ask them. Well, I didn't like that idea at all and told her so. Told her that I wanted to hear everything she's thinking, even if it hurts me. I told her that we could have been so much closer decades ago if we'd been this open from the beginning, and that even though it's scary I wouldn't trade what we have now for anything we had in the past, even though it seemed so much safer.

So.. progress on that front, anyway.
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