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Old 11-10-2009, 09:31 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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I'm going to drop in and reiterate something that Mono, RP, and others have said:

But first:
Quote:
Originally Posted by qanda View Post
it says 1 + 1 = happiness. there are no other pictures or options for happiness that are presented as possibilities to most people. it takes much courage to try to live in a poly relationship when the world says it's not going to work and more importantly, that it's wrong.
Ok...a girl I knew went to a catholic high school...just happened to be the dumping ground for any students who were expecting. Most when asked why they didn't use birthcontrol would answer with "It's against my religion...". The girl I knew, being no fool would of course remind them..."Yes honey,...but so is pre-marital sex!"

So...what's the math in your world say about cheating?


Ok, the point:
Quote:
Originally Posted by qanda View Post
compromise is part of life and love so why should one person's needs be more important than the needs of the other? aren't both important - or am i just being very selfish?
I would suggest being very very careful with this line of thinking...and it goes back to confusing equality with fairness which has come up on other threads too. If you wanted to discuss you vs him, or you vs her, or you vs him vs her...everyone's an adult, capable of comprimise...if the discussion was open, and honest and forthright...which it cannot be when she doesn't know about the cheating going on behind her back. But that aside...you are not 3 people in isolation in your case.

We are talking about your needs, and maybe his needs, vs his gf, and thier two kids! They have no say in the goings on of adults, and I'd wager are too young to understand comprimise, needs, complex relationships or anything. They will only see their home, security and lives being ripped apart. You are playing with fire...juggling torches beside a tinder house with two kids inside.
If you cannot reconcile equality of needs between you and her, I really really hope you can understand that in fairness...your needs (and his with regard to you) do not amount to jack when compared to the needs of the kids (even if you disregard the mother)
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