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Old 12-20-2011, 03:54 AM
cagedbutterfly cagedbutterfly is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Outter Space
Posts: 30

So R was in China for a few weeks. I spoke to him a bit online and a few times on the phone.

I admited to him that I had looked at his phone before.
He was upset. I told him I never would have if he hadn't cheated.

The trust that we lost is hard to repair.
Right now he is "resting" at W's place after having a test done.

I hate that I don't believe that he is there.
I hate that I don't trust him.
It really upsets me.
I've been trying to work through it, reading about how to build trust in relationships but I just don't know if we can get there.

I know that I love him, I mean really really love him.

But the thought of him lying to me again, it is forever in my mind.

He also wants to start swinging, which I am NOT against.. not at all.
But currently he's my first, and only guy. I don't know if i'm ready to let go of that for just sex. Maybe if there was a chance at something more. I spose it could lead to a friendship.
We have a profile on a site, and some couples interested.
I bailed a few times when he tried to organise things, but I basically told him I was done until the new year. I didn't want to introduce ANYONE into our relationship while it was on such shakey ground.

Well he set up yet another meet with this couple and last night told me to confirm. I was going to.. But I don't want to..
I don't want to go. I just don't.

I sent him a text message.. I know not ideal..
Just telling him NO im not interested and you keep bugging me about it and making me feel bad.

I am not W.. she did all the research and work on it.
I was interested in doing this.. When our relationship was strong.
I am really really upset. I am at working trying not to cry.
I just need him to get it. Not just say "I get it" but actually "get it"
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