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Old 11-10-2009, 05:54 PM
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BexyandBen BexyandBen is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: St. Louis area
Posts: 34

We may have different answers, but we've faced these questions before:

What does a married guy offer to a single gal?
In our case, stability, security, a ready-made family. We offer a lot of love, immediately. The downside is that it can be overwhelming--especially to someone who has never been part of a family. Emotionally, married men (at least those in good relationships) offer a more stable emotional experience. The highs and lows are not so spikey. Having another woman--especially one who knows him so well--to even him out, provides the new woman with a calm, confident, settled foundation to build upon. (Mind you, there are many who consider this a detriment--they live for the spikey highs and lows of extremely emotional situations.)

Will she feel comfortable bringing you home to meet her parents?
For me, that's easy--my parents are gone. However, I would be absolutely comfortable sharing her with our friends, sharing her with our world, displaying affection to her while shopping at the local grocery and Wal-Mart. There is no difference in how she would be treated than how I treat my wife--and I'm a very outgoing and affectionate man.

Are you going to give her the security of a marraige type relationship if she wants it?
Yes. In fact, for us that's the only way it would move beyond a little touching and possibly some kissing. A life-long, committed relationship with her is what we are seeking. As a very romantic and affectionate man, she will never wonder how much she is loved and appreciated for the unique elements that she brings to the relationship.

Will you give her children?
If she wants them, yes. In fact, we would want that. If she doesn't want chidlren, that's okay, too. We've resolved that this choice is her's to make--and her's to choose the timing. But, we would be very interested in expanding our family with our new partner.

Will you be proud and open about her and is she free to be with you openly?
Absolutely. Snuggling, holding hands, arms around each other--whether out and about just her and Ben or if all three are out and about. In fact, if she and Bexy develop a relationship, they would be free to display their affection together, as well.

I can think of nothing more special than the opportunity to show the world: this is my lover, my best friend, my committed partner, in whom I delight.

Will she have a secretive relationship similar to an affair and only known to you and your wife?
This is not our preference, but we have met some who would prefer this. Again, our preference is to have a relationship that is open, honest, affectionate--no different than the relationship between Bexy and Ben.

What besides sex and occassional dates are you going to offer her?
Everything that a lifelong love should enjoy: being there for her whenever she has a need, back rubs, remodeling together, making dinner together, paying bills together, helping each other through the tough times, enjoying the good times, a family of love, everything that a wife or life-partner would expect is what would be offered--because that would be her "status".

Not to sound harsh, but really, for most of the single female population (especially the younger population) a married guy does apparently have little to offer. And so the debate begins
We actually think that we have a lot more to offer than a "mere" single man. Bex offers a female perspective in any conflict between Ben and the new woman. When Ben is on a business trip, Bex and the new woman have each other to keep company, to help around the house, to plot and plan for his return ( ). The friendship--and possible relationship--between Bex and the woman is something that no single man could offer. The love and acceptance of another woman who knows all the little secrets of the man she loves--and someone to talk about them, to help understand, especially in the early part of the relationship, is invaluable.

In our very limited experience, there have been times when Ben has acted in a way that confused our girlfriend. Bexy has been able to sit down with her, explain what 20 years of experience with Ben have taught her--and saved the girlfriend much angst and confusion as she gains this 20 years of insight into a very complex man.

What a married man offers is a lot of complexity--but a rich, full and vibrant life that a single man can't even come close to offering.
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