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Old 12-18-2011, 07:25 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by angel32 View Post
I've asked myself and him that very question... he says he doesn't know or evades the question. He avoids her advances well enough and has told me that he feels really annoyed when she tries touching him. I have tried insisting what you suggested at the risk of sticking my nose into their business. I've brought it up twice, the first time he just said he didn't know if he could do that. The other time (several months later) he twisted it around to make it sound like I was telling him he had to get rid of her.... I can only think this latter response was more about him lashing out and projecting his thoughts and feelings about himself onto me. Because I certainly never told him to get rid of her. I'd never think of such a thing... I may if she were seriously abusive, but that just isn't the case here.
It seems to me that the underlying issue here is not her coming into your room but rather their failed relationship and his inability to formally end it. Your sleeping problem is a symptom of this underlying issue. She's continuing to try to meet her needs with him, and he's apparently not willing to be a part of that. She has the right to be loved and supported by the person she's romantically cohabiting with. Your sleeping problems will really never end until their relationship is properly resolved. Locks and rules are a bandaid, but implementing those will likely just bring up new issues.

I wonder if a different approach to this situation would work better. In the spirit of female solidarity, you could say something like "Wow, if you treated me the way you treat her, it would break my heart. I would want you to either treat me the way I deserve to be treated, or else grow a pair and confess that you just don't love me anymore. But leaving me upstairs all alone while my boyfriend spends every night with his fiance is just really cruel."

On a side note, this notion of communicating via email with people who live in the same house seems really odd to me. I admit, I myself am also better at composing my thoughts electronically, not to mention censoring myself when necessary, but some conversations really require body language and tone of voice.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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