View Single Post
Old 12-17-2011, 06:15 PM
Phy's Avatar
Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 648

Ah sorry, dear Carma, thanks for your support but I seem to have managed to mislead you here. My problems with weight and outer appearance are all complains on a really high level. It's not the highest stage, I wouldn't think that any 20 kilos could be in that category, but I am looking good.

I was really thin when I was younger, did Karate and Kickboxing three to four times a week and was quite muscular. In your measurement it would be equivalent to 152 lbs; given that I am 6'2 that was not much. That changed when I finally started studying. My lazy side got the upper hand and I gained weight (198 lbs at the moment). I was lucky that it didn't settle down in one area exclusively, it spread all over the body and shaped the figure equably. I am really unsure how I should explain our size. It's different from US standards, but I guess you get the right picture when I say that I am able to wear shirts of the size M. But they can be tight at times (I love that my breast have gotten bigger btw, but they are never a topic anyone of us would complain about obviously ). I hate it that there is this little muffin top, that never has been there my whole life *mumbles* That's why I am not satisfied with my body anymore.

So, after those details are clarified, I need to go into detail why he didn't treat me badly during that occurrence. Because he really didn't do that much wrong to me, I really need to come to his defence here.

To your first point: Well, it's kind of an permanent issue I have had. I am a perfectionist at times. Not every minute of the day, but I can be meticulous. And I am really strict when it comes to appearances and looks. I teased Sward for years because of the weight he had gained over the years. As I said, our eating habits were really horrible, my metabolism changed some years ago, his was never able to compensate the unhealthy food despise the hard work he engaged in every day. And he has a weak spot for sweets. Those factors lead to him gaining 88 lbs (from 198 when we met in 2000 to 286 lbs in his peak-period). He reduced his weight drastically over the last two months by 30 lbs (I am really surprised by his success and a bit envious that he was able to pull that off from one day to the other, but proud on the other hand as well of course).

As you can see, it has always been a topic for us during the last years. I can get on his nerves with this issue. Especially because both of them tell me every day how great I look, how they love this or that about me or my body (both with words and by physical affectionate doings). Or they just shake their heads and tell me how I can get such an idea, especially now that I have two men telling me how great I am ... I really can't complain about that. But I love to do so nevertheless, I have to admit. Partially because I am really unsatisfied with my looks at the moment, partially because *whispers* who doesn't like to hear compliments?

To your second point: He didn't sigh at my worries about my weight, he sighed about my tendency to over-think things and create problems where none are there actually. And even if he had sighed at the other topic: who wouldn't at times if they said everything that is possible to say in that regard already? Who doesn't know this conversation: “I am fat!” - “No honey, you aren't, you look great, honestly, I love everything about you.” - “Oh, you are making things up, look at this and that and … argh... I don't like how I look any more! Nothing fits and everything is just too small.” - “But you still look fabulous in those trousers and I love how your voluptuous curves fill that dress.” - “Voluptuous?! You really think that I gained that much fat to call me this?” and so on … I know how stupid this is, but at times it comes over me and nothing he says is able to do any good. Just because his standards aren't mine, I will be satisfied when I am finally able to please my own standards again.

And they take my worries seriously. But we all know that nothing can be done by words alone. I need to get my lazy ass up and do something about it. I am finally at the point where I will start my sports again. Some month into the future my problems should be a lot smaller than now.

Well, this has gotten really long. I was just so touched by your fierce answer that I wanted to clarify things. Thank you for your encouragement. The main reason why I and they were worried by this occurrence is that I shouldn't mix up normal every day stuff with problems directly related to our poly situation. And yes, I think as well that is quite normal to do this, but one needs to be aware of this dynamic if one doesn't want to stir up even more problems that aren't really there.


On a side note: I hope you are well and everything is developing to your contentment. (((Hugs to you )))
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog

Last edited by Phy; 12-17-2011 at 08:03 PM.
Reply With Quote