Too much …
I am worrying too much. It became clear to us when Sward and I had an argument yesterday. I was teasing Lin, he jumped in, they ended up teasing me. The topic wasn't well chosen, it was about the kilos I gained and I would love to lose again. I got mad at Sward for pushing it too far and we quarreled a bit.
And I discovered a problem. Yes, he didn't mean what he said literally, yes, I was overreacting because .. well, I really would love to lose 10 kilos again (I gained 20 over the last five years, well-proportioned still, but the soft belly is starting to get on my nerves – I used to do lots of sports and it is just a huge difference if you go from well-defined with muscles to well-rounded without some). But be that as it may, the problem was a different one.
The moment we got into the argument my mind instantly shifted to “Is it all because of the situation at hand or is there something poly-related behind his anger?” I neglected the problem at hand and started to dwell on his 'hidden motives'. Well, in fact, there hasn't been much of a problem at all, we never got into real fights because of some stupidity ever, but I recognized somewhere in the process what I was doing.
This could really become problematic. I am so worried about the possibility to discover that what I am living now is bound to fail, that I try to connect each and everything to poly and the possible problems behind it. When I asked Sward about the occurrence and if there really could have been other things on his mind when he started to get pissed, he was astonished and asked me, where I got that idea. When I explained my thoughts, he sighed heavily and said: “Could you just stop worrying? Isn't everything working out just fine?”
Nothing more to say about that, he is right, I need to change my behavior and dispose of some of my fears.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.