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Old 12-16-2011, 04:53 PM
KindaPOd KindaPOd is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 40
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Don't know if I'm being passive-aggressive. I mean, if I'm going to be aggressive than I prefer to skip the passive bit and get it out into the open. It's just simpler for everyone.

Hell, I'll try to keep an open mind. There's a good chance that I'm just acting like an infantile prick. Not something that I'm proud of but I'll own it if that's the case.

You're right. I haven't given her the same courtesy that she gave me and I don't plan on giving it. No excuses there. Not my most shining display of humanity. Guess I'm just tired of being the doormat.

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What you don't tell us is what neglect means.
Emotional neglect. My gf is higher up on my mental priority list than to my wife. The stuff that you've suggested is close enough.

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It might be water under the bridge but you just made mention of it 11yrs after the fact.
Got a point there. It's info that's relevant to our relationship history.

I just don't see the point in obsessing over it. I'll never know either way. You get to a point where you just have to accept that what happened, happened. What may not have happened, may not have happened.

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Did your wife notice this attention disparity in the beginning of your relationship or only recently? How long has she felt this way.

What you're saying is that upon restarting her relationship you told her that your connection to her would most surely diminish and now she is unhappy with that outcome and you don't really get it.

Do you feel inclined to negotiate at all on this topic? Will you negotiate on other topics?

You may need to inform her on what type of relationship you'd like to have with her now ....that primary thing is not all that it cracked up to be....some people need it other don't. I actually told my wife I didn't want to be the primary but thats another story.
Yeah, she noticed the disparity ever since the relationship began. If she hadn't noticed, I'd take it as a sign that she'd already checked out.

The way I see it, I want my gf to be my primary and wife to be my secondary. From what I've read, it's considered poor form amongst the poly community to pull the old switcheroo. Don't know what your situation is like but maybe you can relate.

I understand why my wife wouldn't be happy with that, but I did tell her that this could happen years in advance. Guess I'm just surprised that she is surprised.
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