I also would challenge that assumption. Runic Wolf and I have been married for 11 years and involved in our quad for almost 3 years. There is deep friendship, lots of love, and yes SEX in our relationship. We are not intentionally poly fi. Pretty Lady and Wendigo respect that while they are our lovers, they cannot control our hearts or actions. They can only trust that we will bring things to their attention as needed. We know that we can expect fidelity from Pretty Lady, as she is only exploring non-monogamy because it is us. Their only request has been discretion; that we keep their identities as our lovers secret for valid reasons. Sometimes even Wendigo struggles with this; and occasionally we really suck at not showing just how much we care for each other.
At this point, we have had one failed attempt at allowing another couple into our quad. Pretty Lady and I decided to fulfill a long time friend's wish for a threesome with the blessing of the guys; afterwards he informed us that his fiance was interested in Wendigo;who had been crushing on her for a while. Long story short, he had totally misunderstood his fiance's intentions (she had only wanted a cuddle buddy); she discovered she was pregnant; and our friend kept telling us he that Wendigo just needed to be patient and she'd come around and then suddenly changed his tune after we discovered he'd went a head with our threesome while she was still contemplating it because she'd said she couldn't find anything wrong with it in theory. Pretty Lady, Wendigo, and I are still recovering from the misconceptions; misunderstandings; and lies.
Runic Wolf's only problem with the situation was that it seems to have had the opposite effect on Pretty Lady's availability to be with him than we'd hoped. Of all of us, he is the one who seems to need an outside relationship the most; still feels like he's missing part of his own personal life puzzle and none of us would presume to tell him that he can't find that. We only ask that he is respectful of everyone involved; especially Pretty Lady; who struggled for a long time to accept that Wendigo truly could hold both of us in his heart (for some reason his feelings for Runic Wolf have never bothered her) and not abandon her. I think she fears that if Runic Wolf finds another lover; she will have done all of this personal work to be with us for nothing.
So at the moment we are practicing poly-fi, but it has been born out of circumstance not desire.
Edited due to phone interrupting thought process.
Last edited by BrigidsDaughter; 12-16-2011 at 04:00 PM.