Even though the consensus seems to be that your wife will not accept this arrangement, I wouldnt be a bit surprised if in the future it is the au pair who pressures you into choosing, once you are back together. She may say that she is willing to live with you as a couple, but I suspect that during your affair, your focus was primarily on her, even if well hidden. The au pair may believe your feelings for your wife are primarily out of loyalty and obligation, not love and desire. ("She's old! How could he possibly not want me more?") Of course I have no way of knowing that. It's just a hunch. But it's a outcome you might want to consider in advance.
Last edited by cheryl; 12-16-2011 at 06:10 AM.