I'm having balancing act issues lately. I managed to sort some of them out as I got to spend a little time with PN last night (*wink, wink), but I haven't had a proper date with Derby in awhile and the dates I have with Mono are kinda, well, fun, but rushed and consumed with other things sometimes. PN has been busy with his course, its a busy time of year and no one is benefiting from my having two shows within the space of a week. I'm totally consumed.
I have seen Leo at his store, but our once a month dates are turning into every six weeks. I also am concerned that now he owns a store that he won't be available for our camping trips and that his wife is bored of them anyway and would prefer not to go. LB asked the other day if it is possible to go to a local ski mountain with them this winter, but it isn't. We used to do so much together as a family and now we are slowly not. It makes me sad.
I have also been missing my old intimate friend lately. I drove by his place a few days ago and a week or so before that... not on purpose, but as its on a regular route for me. I think of him at least once a week still. I always have. I feel used by him now and really hurt. I know I need to let it go. He was not invested in me and has sex for sex sake whereas I do not... but I am attached now and that is always going to be.
I also heard from another ex a couple of weeks ago. I talked about him a lot when I first came here as he has a different view of communication than I do and his idea of strength has nothing to do with emotion whereas mine is almost entirely based on that. He saw me on line on FB and said hi. After a conversation of about an hour he came out as female now. He's going through hormone therapy and is getting involved with local groups. I was excited for her, because I know a few of the people she is now meeting. This time I will keep my mouth shut about the communication differences we had as last time I discovered a friend of mine was chatting to her I mentioned this difference between us and it blew up in my face. Lesson learned.. let people find their own path with people I have experienced.
It was great to be in touch again and I am honoured that they would share something so meaningful. It has made it so I can let go of the residual feelings I had of hurt from that situation.