Wow Pollyshari. I feel for you. When you first posted you said you miss what you had and miss her, yet she violated your family and especially your son. I can't imagine what it might feel like to have those two conflicting feelings inside. My heart goes out to you.
I have a boy too, 8, when my bf and I were in serious NRE he was accused of such things that happened to your child by my parents. They got our family doctor involved and a whole production of proving he wasn't being harmed happened. It was really hard on all of us, but at least it wasn't true and that has been proven.
I have a son that would also not be willing to go to therapy. He has a really hard time talking about his feelings. We have worked hard to instil the importance of doing so, as I am sure you have also.
I am thinking back to the time that we went through the accusations put on my bf and remember that I had decided that if there was ever a reason to send him to therapy that I would find someone suitable, make an appointment for myself and that person first so as to explain something of the situation and that my boy would likely be unapproachable. Then I would let him know that the opportunity is available at any time to talk about it with this person and/or to take it to the police (he has evidence that should be kept safe too btw). Then I think I would leave it in his hands and let him know that I will be revisiting it in a set amount of time to see where he is at.
My brother was violated by a man when he was young and he didn't do anything about it. He told know one. He told me as an adult and let me know that he finally let the police know in our home town. He dealt with that all on his own and got to a place where he was able to have some release.
Its maybe not over yet. Your boy might some day do something about what happened. At the very least he knows that you are there to walk with him in that journey if he so chooses. I think that is very courageous of you. I commend the job you've done so far.
What will you do as far as being poly now? I can imagine it will be very difficult to invite anyone new into your life for a long time. Are you processing that at the moment?
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