It is a very big deal. Yes, he has been aware of our relationship for a while. I am sure he feels ashamed. But, and maybe I am naive, I don't blame him for this. He had actually come to me a few times and told me that he didn't like her, that she was causing to much drama and he didn't want her around anymore. I asked him what he meant and he would just say that we, (dad and I) were different now. We were different, but there was no unusual drama. Certainly there was the occasional misunderstanding or something, but not ever a big deal.
Hubby and I decided that we didn't want to make a huge deal out of the break up or the reason behind it. So we just simply told her that it wasn't working and listed some legitimate things but did not mention that we knew as we did not want her saying anything to the kids. Big brother didn't even know we knew. She was terribly hurt and told me that I was the worst person that she had ever known. It took every ounce of restraint that I had not to scratch her eyes out. We had a great deal of her stuff stored at our house for her as she had had to downsize to a smaller apartment. So we arranged for her to come over and get it. Her anger with me and hubby was evident while she was here getting some stuff she was saying some pretty crappy things. At one point I saw big brother walk over to her and quietly say, you had better not mess with my family or I will burn you down. I knew what he meant, even though neither them that I knew. She then actually proceeded to physically shove him and scream crazily at him. At this point my adult son stepped in and told her to back the eff off.
At the end of the following day, big brother commented on what great day it had been because it was so stress free. I took this as an opportunity to talk to him. I asked him why her presence had caused so much stress for him He did admit something had happened and in very few words told me that she had put a lot of pressure on him, repeatedly, over time. Essentially she wouldn't give up, and he is a 16 yr old boy [who I believe was a virgin]. It became all to clear to me why the age of consent laws are in place. I could sense his anxiety, I recognized it from my youth and having boys and a few perverted old men try to convince me that I wanted it when I really was freaked out by their advances.
I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said he didn't want to cause any drama. He was protecting me from my heart being broken.
Once she and all of her things were gone and there was no longer any reason for either to contact each other I sent her an email and told that I knew about everything and that she had better not even attempt to contact my son in any way, even if he contacts her first. She of course denied it, in the same sentence she also said that the their feelings were mutual. That all she was doing in his room was helping him with homework. Then she later told me that she had retained an attorney. What ever that is supposed to prove. Anyway my son did show me the proof of the naked pic's she sent him, but he didn't want to go to court, but if he needed to he would divulge everything.
When I opened my mind my heart got bigger.
When we place preconceived expectations on those we love we neglect to consider their individual goals, needs and desires. We fail to respect them and love them for who they really are.