One more thought on the responses you've been getting.
If it were simply that you wanted to continue both relationships, I think people would still support your wife's right to say no, and might still have some harsh advice for you, but they would also probably be more sympathetic to you. But what you're talking about is moving "the other woman" into your home which will be FAR more disruptive and possibly much more painful for your wife, not to mention the disruption it will cause for your children if things go poorly.
It's a step that should only be undertaken very thoughtfully and in an atmosphere of respect, trust, and stability, which takes time to develop. A secret affair with an employee/friend plus a mutual longing from afar does not a stable relationship make.
The fact that you do not seem to be willing to consider a less drastic alternative, a compromise that could be easier on your wife, comes across as callous and strange. People have mentioned the idea of continuing the relationship without moving her in at this point and you haven't responded to that idea, so we can only assume you've rejected it. Do you see what I'm saying?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.