Yes i still 'romance' my wife, we get on despite whats happened/happening very well, still have a loving active sex life and i still care for her and look after her intensely.
The person looking for a 'free place to stay' is not an au-pair anymore and works in a career in europe and will likely stay there to develop that over time and would only move here if that could work here to. If it were possible she wants her own career in amongst our very successful family (my wife and i are both executive level senior managers in large global corporations).
I find it hard to believe that those here who can seem very aggressive and dismissive all have Poly relationships that come out of a 'no hurt to anyone' beginning......
I will only do this if its a happy situation for all involved, whether its liked or loathed here, yes i did cheat on my wife but i love her completely.....the problem is i also now love someone else. That person is now successful in what she's begun and does not as you imply 'need' me or us, she wants to be with 'me' and 'us'.
The age thing i couldn't care less about, luckily my wife at 42 looks nothing like her age at all and neither do I. Theres a wide variance in the way 40 somethings behave, some are 40, on route to retirement, others are very fit, very active and young at heart.....us!
There is much information on this forum thats been helpful......and my earlier comment of 2 out of 3 wanting this was not imposing something at all, it was meant to say that as a result it was worth discussion between us all.
Ultimately my wife is my wife and the other person is not.....a decision one way or another will have to be made and either way it will upset someone.
Judgement comments don't help but i suspect there are a few who tune in here who simply detest the fact this began out of an affair.
Thats life i'm afraid......
Last edited by grim64; 12-14-2011 at 01:46 PM.