When I was on here last, I was very happy that things were progressing. Over the last month or more, things have derailed - I broke up with my bf about a month ago because I was not feeling comfortable with the direction things were going in. The girl I had asked him to hold off with, he ended up getting physical with and kissing her.
I found out about this because he mentioned it in an offhand way in a group email he was sending to me, a totally different love interest, and her bf. He didn't even tell me to my face. This put me over the edge and I broke it off with him. About a week later I spoke with him, found out he had sex with that girl a couple days after we broke up...OK...fair enough. Over the next few weeks I tried to get my head around this and I had been getting my feelings in order, wanting to talk with him and when I tried to a few times, I sort of lost it and fled in a fit of jealousy.
Fast forward to today: I finally got my head space right and initiated a conversation with him about his relationship with her. I guess to really see what was happening instead of letting my imagination and assumptions hurt me. He told me that when she got with him a month ago, she said at first she was only interested in sex. They decided to not use protection as they felt it fairly safe. They spend their time at his house being intimate, eating, sleeping. Little else outside of a play they were in that has since ended.
We talked about him spending quite a bit of time with her, nearly every day. I wanted to know why he never spent nearly every day with me when we were together and we talked about that a bit. I have a busy life and kids, and I guess she is able to go to his house and lounge in indulgent lovemaking all night whereas I am unable to do so very often. I asked him what would happen if I started to ask him for more of his time.
He said he had actually been thinking of spending less time with her because he wanted to back off a little bit and that maybe he could start spending more time with me to accomplish getting distance from her. Is it just me or does this whole thing reek of game-playing?
Another thing that I mentioned to him was that he tends to leave things out, to refrain from saying too much and that I always know when he is not telling me something. To this, he said that he does that on purpose. I asked him, why? To play games? He pretty much said it was to keep from saying too much. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Poly about being totally up front? Isn't it about telling the truth? I feel really weird about this situation. He did say that he doesn't tell me everything because he is afraid I might get angry or upset, which I understand. But he does this even with things that I wouldn't freak out about.