Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
This may sound silly, but I think it depends on how you define falling in love. Some people would define a sense of connection and strong positive feelings for someone they haven't known as long as infatuation, not love. What does falling in love mean to you?
Some people might argue that being able to press the "hold" button on your feelings mean it's not really love yet... being able to put a hold on your actions, of course, is a necessary skill and a totally different thing. Which does your hold button control, feelings, actions, or both?
For myself, I take being in love
to be synonyms.
(Infatuate = to make fatuous, to make foolish. That's about right.)
I don't know how to put a hold on the feelings, only on choices and actions.
It may be that, over time, feelings will respond to choices that push consistently in a certain direction. We can develop habits of self-control (Aristotle would say), or habits of reckless self-indulgence . . . which may make the feelings themselves seem more or less intense, resisting them more or less painful.
My wife is convinced it is possible to "kill a crush" - that is, to squelch the infatuation, not to eliminate the person at whom it is directed!!! - by deliberately neglecting it. From the usual 12-18 months, she has on occasion reduced that to a mere 4-5 months . . .