Originally Posted by Anneintherain
And if somebody was to fall in love with me quickly - well I think if they told me they loved me before it'd been a minimum of two months I'd feel a bit weird & skeptical about it. Three months I would probably feel like they had really thought things through and weren't going to change their mind, or that they weren't just a NRE addict.
If I had any inkling an early declaration of love from a new partner was causing behavior that was negatively affecting their other relationships I'd likely be uncomfortable enough to consider not seeing them anymore. Of course I suppose if I was falling quickly for them too I might lose perspective and be too focused on how awesome things were to be paying attention to metamours or my own partners feelings.
Here's where I distinguish between love
and in love
. I use in love
to mean the neurochemical addiction so clearly described by Minxxa. I use love
to mean the more enduring and clear-eyed affection and mutual commitment that may or may not be associated with the neurochemical addiction.
(Being in love
may or may not lead to love
, and it may be possible for there to be love
without first going through the neurochemical haze of being in love
(Or so it seems to me.)
To make an unqualified declaration of love
on the basis of feeling in love
is a common but serious error, at least as I understand the terms. I agree it would take some months to even begin to figure out whether there's any basis for such a declaration.
What I would say to someone with whom I was in love
would be something to the effect of: "I'm really interested in spending time with you and getting to know you; I'd like the chance to find out what's possible between us" . . . though likely not in those exact words, which seem kind of nerdy to me.
(But then, I am kind of a nerd.)
And don't be too envious, Anne. I've been dealing with a neurochemical addiction lately without any real prospect of even finding out whether anything is possible with the individual in question.
For my money, being in love isn't really all that great. At least, it's not an end in itself.