Thanks Mono...I appreciate that. This transaction has helped more than you know.
My wife and I had a discussion tonight, again. This time she was asking me if I had been able to read two books we purchased
"The Ethical Slut"
and "Opening Up"
She has already read one of them. I told her that I had not, but that I was looking into other avenues for information as well as reading the latter. She wanted to know what I had posted and I told her to the best of my memory. I told her about some of the responses I received. (I said nothing but nice things)
Then I asked her if she had spoken to her friend....I will call him Scott. She said she had and that he seemed interested in a relationship with my wife. At that moment something deep in me did not want to know the answer to the question. My stomach began to get queasy, like it is now.I lost my appetite. I felt anxious and cold. I began to shiver a little.
But then I realized that Scott and her have a long history together online...they roleplay together with characters and scenarios and the friendship fufills a creative side to her, that makes her happy. So I somehow become happy for her and glad that he's the one she wants to try a relationship with. This all in the span of about 3 minutes.....bi-polar perhaps
The physical manifestations are extremely interesting to me. At worst it is seething with jealousy, at the same time, turned on, and sometimes nauseated. Then I remember myself and it goes away.
Then she asks me about my prospects. I begin to tell her that I am NOT, at this moment, interested in a long term relationship. I am interested in short term and non-commital. Ideally a long term relationship is what I'm looking for but now I want to explore the field, so to speak. I tell her that I have a couple of prospects, but that one was a longshot. My mood changes from nervous to confident, but still uninterested in the food.
*The waitress keeps looking at me, so I make eye contact. She is beautiful, and I want to approach her but I don't because I don't want to offend my wife sitting across from....*