First off, I would like to thank everyone for their replies. Perhaps Mono is right, maybe I'm looking for a "manual" from a group of people with varying experience. However, I did not mean to elicit personal information or become this posting interloper.
It's true that the boundaries are different for everyone, I think that's why I was interested to know them. Not because I would use them in my own experience., but because I find the concepts and reasonings behind them interesting in themselves...the whys and the hows ect.....So yes I can see how that is terribly personal, and I would totally understand not wanting to share them with others.
But I think there is merit in exploring this, as I'm sure we all have...
I think I made it clear that my conflict with myself is what I am exploring. I'm writing it out so that I can see with my own eyes what I really feel about this. I am exploring my own hesitations, and weaknesses. I am interested, in a spiritual sense, in facing that which I fear the most. Moving headlong into a frightful situation and overcoming it.....Like I did with quiting smoking.
Overcoming cigarettes made me feel like I could do anything....including letting go of the woman I love more than anyone........
this is a huge spiritual test for me.
Please understand, i mean no disrespect by asking personal things.