This is why DADT makes no sense to me, frankly. Like your wife, the idea that something could be ok if acknowledged but bad once spoken of is completely counterintuitive. That said, it wouldn't have been hard for her to just respect your request and not see this guy.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.