Originally Posted by redpepper
Ah, sorry, I thought she kissed the guy after hooking up with him on fb and arranging to meet with him. To me that's cheating as there was intent, it wasn't spoken about to you and she had enough passion and connection with him to kiss him. I guess my description of cheating is different than yours. If you are good with that then I guess that's not something to work on. That frees you up to work on all the other stuff then.
She hasn't kissed him just almost
. Anyway, we talked again last night. She told me that she didn't intend to come off as tring to get my blessing/explain away my feelings. I explained that i would have perfered after so much prior conversation if she had said im going to do this and i am sorry if it hurts you but were going to have to figure it out. I had made it clear that i didn't like this idea and i thought it was time to move on to compromise or scariface. She asked if i wanted her to be more of a bitch? i guess i did. I think am chalking that up to an emotional misunderstanding and something to learn from.
Anyway, this is what i am tring to figure out now. Our first rule was a dont ask dont tell policy. When she made her plans i was unawear of them and that was OK. When i ask about exs she brought this guy up and asked if it would brother me if she went out with him that weekend. I told her i think it might. She asked if i would perfer she not and i answered yes.
It seems a good part of her reasoning for being upset is that this could have gone down a different way i would never have viewed it as her doing something wrong and that she had to change plans when they were acceptable at the time she made them.
She actually told me this orginally and i kind of shuged it off. I assumed since i knew and had concerns she would drop a meaningless hook up and the fact that she had made legal plans was made irrevelent by the fact that i now knew. She thought since it would have been totally legal if things went down a little differently that something is unfair. I still think that once i had knowledge and concern that my feelings should have carried more weight but im tying. My only real goal at this point is to get past this fight. I know the only reason she didn't do this was b/c she feels i made her not. I dont like that and i want to reach agreement or at least understanding.