Thread: Falling in love
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Old 12-13-2011, 01:33 PM
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hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Originally Posted by polyq4 View Post
So I have realized that over the years that I have fallen in love easily. I have also realized that when I fall in love, I seem to have the ability to 'hold it' back. Almost like an hold button. Maybe it's like a protection button. However once I let the hold go....

So my questions here are;

1) do you think it's wrong to be able to fall in love quickly
2) are there ores out here like myself who feel the same way?
I have, in the past, fallen in love fairly quickly, and I also seem to have a built-in hold button.

That's a pretty good combination, really.

I think the question of right or wrong is not really relevant. Being in love is a matter of psychological fact; it just happens. It's what you do about it that matters, ethically speaking. The "hold button" suggests something like the virtue of self-control, and is something that can and should be cultivated and refined.

The trick is to figure out when it might be appropriate to release the button, and let things roll.

I think of falling in love as a beginning, not as an end. I take it as a motivation to find out about the person I'm in love with, to see what kind of relationship - if any - might be possible.

The interesting part of the relationship, I think, is when the fierce urgency of being in love fades away. The test is whether you've built something more lasting in the mean time.

And, when a relationship doesn't pan out, or doesn't even get started, having been in love can leave a kind of residue of affection and goodwill . . . and that, I think, is a good thing.
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