I am curious, what if you had the conversation about opening up your marriage and she had met this guy the next day, it would've been fine then? As she hadn't cheated with him, or known him in the past, I don't understand why you would keep him off limits. Past partners or friends is one thing to want to have out of bounds, and I can understand wanting that, but does this mean you can't go out with the cute barista you noticed at your coffee shop, or anybody you've ever met before either?
You refer to him as a kid - is he younger? Is there something else going on about him in particular you find threatening?
You were happy with an agreement when it was that you could both "hook up" but now that her "OCD" made her start wanting to discuss rules, boundaries, etc (which is wise IMO, especially as there seem to be some issues brought up by it that need to be dealt with) - I mean...could she have hooked in the couple of days before you thought of the no ex-interests rule and it would've been fine? Are you hoping that she wont meet anybody else she likes? If you can't handle her seeing this guy who she had no investment in other than a couple of hours of chat at a bar, how are you going to deal with her dating anybody else?
The anger, violence, and drinking doesn't have any place in negotiating boundaries. Sounds like you both need to slow down and wait until you've been able to negotiate calmly and are on the same page before either of you goes off and does anything. However, i do want to say, if you tell her she can do something and she does it, don't punish her if you didn't want her to do it. If you don't want her to do something, say it, say it calmly, and hopefully she will be open to listening. It just sounds like you guys are mucking it all up right out of the gate, and you probably want to regroup.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 12-13-2011 at 12:55 AM.