Thread: New and advice
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Old 12-12-2011, 06:31 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Hello, and you're.welcome! I assumed your location since most of the posters here seem to be from either the US or Europe. My bad. May I ask what area of the world you're in?

If you're paying someone's salary they are in fact your employee and that creates a skewed power dynamic no matter how egalitarian you are in your dealings with them. What I was trying to say there is that you have not yet known her in a situation of full equality, and that it might be wise to get to know her outside of a position where you control her livelihood before assuming you'd be a good match as life partners.

As for the age thing, I think barely adult is perfectly valid because she has, in fact, only been an adult for a few years. She may be mature in thought but she is very young in terms of experience, and it's thought plus experience combined that create wisdom. I would never say that such a relationship couldn't work, but it does pose extra challenges.

The thing I find difficult to understand is how you could feel so positive about your wife yet deceive her for so long. That does not seem to me like a healthy relationship. But you know your marriage better than I.

Each situation is different, you're right, and no one can give you the answers, they can only offer perspectives that may lead you to your own answers.

I wonder if it would be helpful to consider more why you wouldn't be ok with your wife bringing a new male partner to live with you, and to in that way attempt to better understand the difficult position your request has put her in.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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