Hi and yes i take on all you points for sure.....
I'm not in the USA so its doesn't really come into it in terms of 'motive'.
This was someone who lived with us 24/7 and the reality of how we've dealt with all the au-pairs we've had was not 'employee' it has been as friends, rightly or wrongly.
Is there more going on....well i suppose there could be but not consciously....it just happened and carried on but while it did and has I've felt even more positive about my wife.....
I do get what you say about the other woman living with us and the break of trust etc as the two of them were very friendly when she lived with us.
The barely adult thing i just don't agree with at all....this is a 22 year old not an 18 year old and she's very mature in thought etc.
I guess all these situations are difficult and mine sure is...... would I feel ok about a guy living with us......no i wouldn't, but the thought of a relationship between my wife and another guy is not a No.
This forum may not have answers because there are no right and wrong answers, but thanks.