Yeah, I know - and I'm wanting an honest base - and I feel like I have one with my lover (still feels strange to call him that) - but my husband and I have so many years of not dishonesty, but of putting off unpleasantness, that it's hard and scary - but I'm working in that direction. I may post one of my fears on another thread somewhere.
I have a tendency to second-guess myself a lot - am I doing something because I "need to" or because I "want to"? And does it really matter? I'm doing that thing I do - spin the various scenarios in my head (most of them negative) to the point where I don't act ... out of fear. My own internal fear. Somehow I have to get past that. I know I've done it before with painful stuff (including telling my husband about this man) - so I guess I must do it again.
Yes, I told my husband about my feelings and thoughts. It was not pleasant. But in the end it was good because we talked honestly. But we've dropped the subject. He's not the type to talk easily - and I feel bad about "forcing" him to look at this - this situation and this forum.
Yeah, I'm still confused.