I'm in an episode, and the fact that T is not returning my feelings is not helping. Everyone has been asking me if Im ok the past few days, even my mother. My mom is coming to get the kids and Im going off the grid for a few days. Not answering txts or phone calls or emails for a few days will help me focus on processing, so I maybe on here writing out my feelings.
Im looking forward to getting our new puppy, it will give me something to focus on. Apparently this pup howls
Ive always wanted a dog that howls. Of course, being a wolf its going to. Thats right, Im getting a wolf dog. In about 4 days.
Im stressed beyond belief right now. I dont know what to do about anything and when Im unable to make decisions I know that Im going to be manic really soon. I have been taking my meds but Im not stable at all. I bought a new book on handling bi-polar I guess now would be a good time to read it. I was going to wait on John because it has things for loved ones of people with bi-polar.
Im falling in love with T, I feel like Im fallign apart because she is so scared, shes never been with a woman before. I wish she would just open up to me, everyone wants me to be patient, and I know i should but Im going manic and I feel like everything is now or never. I want her now. I want to fall in love with her.
At the same time, I want to get out before I get really hurt.