Originally Posted by JustMe
The irony of my interest in polyamory triggering him having a new relationship while I'm not allowed to is not lost on me. His being with her doesn't make me jealous but it makes me angry/sad/baffled that he can feel that connection and still deny me having it again. Is this fair, some suitable consequence for having cheated?
Certainly not! It is hypocritical.
But, yes, your dishonesty -- the secret affair -- was a violation of his trust. That violation does not get him off the hook for his hypocrisy, however. You should not allow yourself to be manipulated into believing otherwise because you feel guilty for your having had a secret affair. Please ask your husband to live one day at a time with you. That is, ask him to forgive you and to move forward with you in honesty and forgiveness. Tell him he can keep his girlfriend/lover... if you can likewise have your freedom to explore and express love outside of your dyad. If he doesn't agree? Ask, "Why do you get to make the rules without my participation?"