Originally Posted by qanda
how can we approach the topic so that we have the greatest chance of a positive response from her? is that naive?
Um, ya, naive.
you've been cheating and she will freak out.
Sorry, to have to be the bearer of bad news, but usually it seems to me that if people cheat on their partners and tell them they are in love with someone else, it means a dirty, nasty divorce.
Of course it seems to me that usually people who cheat bring nothing but pain into their lives and nothing but sorrow to everyone around them, mostly to themselves.... I'm sorry again, but really the only option I can see is to end your relationship with this person once and for all and never see him again. He has the responsibility to take care of his business ie. his kids and their mother. If he has an ounce of integrity left he will do this.
The only way I can ever see this working is if the two of you don't see each other or talk to each other.... he breaks the whole poly thing to her only to find that volia, she actually wants that too! Then they settle into the poly lifestyle for a bit and then you come back in pretending that you don't know each other and start a relationship... yup, not going to happen!
I think it's doomed.
sorry, but I can't see an unmessy, unhurtful, respectful way of "getting" her to be okay with you two....
I'd say you should move on and find a relationship based on mutual respect, integrity, and dignity for those involved. One where you can fully trust your partner(s) not to cheat on you also.
Cheating never works in the end in my books....
check out this link on a good list that Mono put together on why cheating isn't sustainable.