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Old 05-17-2009, 06:53 PM
chad chad is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
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Hello Just Me,

Your story is for me like looking in the mirrror. I too desperately miss my friend who was for so long part of our family. We fell in love and tried to contain it, thought we could hide it and deal with it. But as you say, all deceits are found out. So much hurt... So we all had to part ways. I don't get to talk/communicate with her at all, and time just keeps going by.

After almost 2 years have gone by, I am still not sure I can even come close to understanding what the betrayal feels like to my wife. My wife is one of those super and unusual people. At the time of this all starting out, and though we had never heard the term before, she was probably naturally more accepting of "poly" than I was. But the betrayal changed it all. THe hurt and anger, and worse...

Your husband's anger, I can only imagine, is something that he has a hard time with. Maybe he stuffs it? Just to survive and keep us together, my wife did. But of course, that is only a band aid to a very big wound. We are still working on this one.

Your husband having someone and you not... wow. I think that vampiresscammy could be right. Taking a break, a pause, that could be a good idea. I know that for me, being happily married for so long, I could never choose to leave her even if she never wants to allow me to be poly. And that is difficult for me. But I also think that the we have to heal the bad stuff between us before we could ever include another. Like you, I am only thinking of my friend as someone that I would like to be with, even if only just friends again.

I don't think you are being over compliant. But him not allowing you what he allows himself, something is wrong with that, no? I know most folks would say that you have to find someone new, as there is too much baggage with the old flames. But I have to admit that it seems silly that we can't figure out a way to get beyond that, grow up together through the experience. I know that the friendship I miss was something rare and meaningful. I want that.

Well I hope this gets you going. You are not alone. I think there must be a lot of folks out there in these kinds of messes.
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