Primary partner- will I lose her?
i've got a challenge. Some fresh perspective.. and some learned/experienced ones should help..
My live-in companion is finding my poly life very challenging. She oscillates between complete acceptance of this for herself to and for me.. and then total resistance and hatred for the lifestyle, and even contempt for it all.
I'm afraid I will lose her to depression and apathy.
She says she only wants me. Though for a couple of years now, I feel that she hasn't really placed any of the effort required to allow us to grow together and in the 'right' directions.
This lead to polyamory quite organically, as mind expanding technologies lead us to unique perspectives on our lives.
Some days it's as simple as remembering- "now is all there is. Im here, and im choosing". And other times its a shitstorm of hellfire and blame.
I think she grew up with some pretty dodgy imprints- 'women just clean and cook' etc.. and the goal of life is to have kids and me a housemum.
I rarely feel that we are peers, yet I love her to pieces and we live together quite harmoniously otherwise. We share a unique wordless awareness that has come from deep mediation and far-out experiences shared. But when it comes to communicating, its very tedious, abstract and three never seems to be resolution. Her brain seems to overload, resulting in defensiveness or 'whatever!' kind of thing.
This all sounds a lot about 'her'. Honestly, I keep thinking it is. I know im responsible in the way im relating to her.. but I feel big changes are needed in her life- for example, friends and a job that fulfills her purpose would be a nice start. Instead, it's a resignation to working for minimal wage and then blaming everything else on lack of money.
I'm open to any opinions on the subject. There's plenty more going, but this might be a good start if there are any advice gurus out there.