1 + 1 = happiness?
the world in which we live doesn't advocate living in a poly / open relationship setting. it says 1 + 1 = happiness. there are no other pictures or options for happiness that are presented as possibilities to most people. it takes much courage to try to live in a poly relationship when the world says it's not going to work and more importantly, that it's wrong.
my lover and i are having an indeed having an affair because we felt like there wasn't any other option. being honest about our love for each other would lead to him having to pick between loving his family or loving me. he couldn't choose because he loves and wants to love all of us. now, it's the same.
it's a shame that so many people have to lead a life of deceit as you say because being honest about what they really want in their love life - what would really make them fully happy - isn't acceptable or even an option. love is an organic thing and so are people. we grow and change just like our needs grow and change. so why should the needs of his girlfriend be more important than his needs?
if we are to be honest with his girlfriend and she says you must choose between me or her, he will choose his family. he has children so he isn't only considering himself. but, i also know that in choosing only his family he will experience feelings of deep loss, dissatisfaction and unhappiness and, in the end, not being allowed to love me too, as he really wants to, could certainly ruin his relationship with his girlfriend. she doesn't want that either.
compromise is part of life and love so why should one person's needs be more important than the needs of the other? aren't both important - or am i just being very selfish?