Hi, I agree, I won't just accept a poly lifestyle when it's not for me, there's no point in sacrificing my chance of long term happiness for the sake of his (not so well thought out!) short term impulses. Considering a poly-lifestyle certainly appeared to me as a weak attempt to circumvent "cheating" maybe because it has a better "title" than "mistress" or "lover" making it (in his mind) more of an acceptable "alternative lifestyle choice" rather than a simple indiscretion.
I told him this morning that after looking into these options yesterday, I have great respect for anyone who is willing and able to offer their whole-hearted love to more than one person AND make it work for all concerned, but I just don't think I can do it. He respects that I at least took the time to look into it.
We decided we are going to get couples therapy just so that we can move of from the blame and bitterness of the past and look forward with hope. Obviously it's a tough time to do that with such a big issue to deal with, considering the devastating condition of our unborn child (or "incompatible with life" as the Doctors put it...) we are both dealing with it in our own ways but need to come together with support and compassion, maybe that's all part of why this is happening to us. We cannot avoid growing as human beings as a result of these trials. We must both embrace it, whatever the result.