Originally Posted by riftara
is that how you are suppose to set boundaries? there is a lot of talk on doing it but not much in the way of advice or instructions on how to do so in the real world.
You sit down and talk about what you are comfortable with and what makes you uncomfortable. Then negotiations can take place and, hopefully, the parties make compromises that everyone can accept. And if something comes up for you after boundaries are set, you talk about it again. Sometimes you can set a timeframe, for 3 months or something like that, to test the waters with certain boundaries and ask to revisit the subject at at time to make sure everyone is doing okay.
But the key aspect is to not just shut down and want to forbid something when you've had a reaction you didn't expect. It's good to always try and dig deep to understand why you had such a reaction, what your concerns or fears are, and how to handle it within yourself. You may still want to shift a boundary anyway, but at least you will have more awareness about why you are having issues with it.