Robert and I finally had an oen talk about primary relationships and where we were and how he felt. He said I am his orimary, but he doesnt feel like mine and wont feel like mine until John gets home and everything goes smoothly.
He did place T as his secondary, though we agreed the terms where not the best way to describe it.
We also agreed on at least one date night for me and at least one date night for T a week.
The date night with T im still getting use to, I feel like I need it first but then I feel selfish. I had a panic attack when theirs was over the other night. I need to find some way of getting over the emotions I feel but I cant even pinpoint them.
I guess I feel like Im going to loose him to her, though I know that is crazy and she is just a little more than a fuck buddy to him, hes not in love with her or living with her or even thinking about committing to her the way he is with me. I am his primary. I am his Primary I am his primary
He said we can talk about a handfasting in 3 months after john gets home, i'll move that to john leaving and that puts us in mid-april. I want it so bad though, and he wants to be the one to ask me to make that commitment when ive already said i would. its hard to bite my tongue on something that was ok to talk about but isnt now.
Hes says it moving too fast, well it wasnt too fast for him to move in with me essential after a few weeks. I guess his stops are just in weird places for me and I feel like he keeps comparing our relationship to the one he had with his ex wife. I could just as easily compare ours to mine and Drews(the guy who sexually abused me) and maybe I do. But Im not willing to do something because of that comparison, or not do it as the case may be.
I need to work on communicating my boundaries, what im ok with and what im not, not that those wont change in the future, but what i need right now. I need to figure how to set those boundaries without feeling controlling or manipulative
- For the pursuit of happiness, not the sit around and wait for happiness -
Jen - bi female
John (Juntas)- husband
M - John's girlfriend