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Old 11-08-2009, 02:28 AM
qanda qanda is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2
Question i'm new to this... please help!

hi... i am wondering if anyone can give me some helpful advice.
10 years ago i fell in love with a man. he lived in europe, i was in america and we were still in university. we loved each other passionately, at a distance, and visited when we could afford it, but after a while the distance became too much for us to handle. we both had more than a year of studies left and didn't know how to make it work being apart so often. despite the fact that we were in love and wanted to be together, we decided to try to move on. after some time, we both met other people, started new relationships and moved on but we didn't forget about each other. we stayed in touch by letters and email and wondered.
last year, we met again and we fell in love again too - only this time it is a more mature love; it's deeper and stronger and more compatible. we share passion for each other, intense sexual and emotional chemistry and a strong friendship. we still live on different continents but have been having a long distance love affair for the past year and would like so much to share a future together. the thing is that he is in a long-term relationship which he doesn't want to leave either. he loves his girlfriend too, they share two small children and have a nice life. i visit every 4 months or so and have also developed a strong friendship with her. we have a lot in common, laugh a lot together, easily share tasks, share the same views about life, are both very creative people and feel more like family than friends. when we are all together, the three of us, both he and i can feel that the chemistry is good and can see that a poly relationship, where he is shared, could certainly work. he also makes me feel unique and special and very loved so i feel i could be more than satisfied with this kind of relationship.
the thing is his girlfriend doesn't know that we are in love with each other, we feel badly about hiding our love for each other and although we want to discuss all of this with her, we don't know where or when to begin and we especially don't want to lose each other. we really love each other but how do we tell her? should we tell her and if yes, what do we say? how do we make her feel confident that his love for me is unique and separate from his love for her; that the two are not related and it's not a consequence of something she lacks? i have the feeling if she could feel confident with his affections for her and not feel that i am a threat to their love or family, that she might be open to an open love relationship with the three of us - but how do we make her see that, feel that? how can we approach the topic so that we have the greatest chance of a positive response from her? is that naive?
good advice would really help us... thank you!
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