I guess it's about time I got around to introducing myself
Who Are You?
I'm constlady/Karen, a bi/poly/parent/friend/lover, currently 45 years old and raising 4 grandchildren ranging in ages from 2 1/2 to 11. I have 3 grown kids and also managed to raise a cousin in there as well. Believe it or not, I never wanted a big family!
Along with Elaine, Richard and Martin and their assorted offspring, I'm a member of one of the most amazing polyfamilies around, if we do say so ourselves.
Why Are You Here?
There are several reasons I'm here. One is that I truly enjoy hanging out with others who understand my lovestyle. There's something synergistic about being with people who share the ideals of polyamory, even though the specifics of relationship styles may be different.
I'm also here to learn and continue to grow on my own path. Experiences that you have had may turn out to offer me something valuable for my own walk and I look forward to reading about them.
Conversely, I'd sure like to help others out on their journey as well.
Poly resources were pretty slim when I first discovered the term. I was lucky enough to fall in with folks who had experiences to share and the willingness to share them.
It certainly made figuring out what I did and didn't want in a poly life a whole lot easier.
Being a bit of a poly-activist is in part my way of "paying it forward."
What Do You Want?
Unconditional love and eternal happiness of course.
But along the way to that ultimate goal, I'd like to see the stigma removed from polyamory (and all other non-traditional forms of relationships), I'd like to not have to worry that because my boyfriend has another girlfriend I could lose custody of the kids who need me, I'd like to see a more accepting and tolerant society where whatever form of love works for each individual is considered the norm.
Oh, and I'd like to win the lottery so we can build an enormous house for all of us and hire a live-in nanny I suppose for that to happen I'd actually have to start buying tickets though, huh?
My Poly Story
The beginning of my ventures into poly goes back about 10 years, to my last marriage.
My initial foray was seeking the ever popular Unicorn. We of course didn't find the elusive creature and after the marriage dissolved for other reasons, I began learning about Polyamory in earnest.
I spent some time in a Network configuration with 3 men whom I referred to as my Mind, Body and Soul connections. All were aware of each others' presence in my life but only one was really comfortable with the idea; the other two preferred a more Don't Ask/Don't Tell style.
Since that wasn't really my vision of poly for myself and because it became clear that there were commitment issues with both of them, the Network gradually ended though I maintain close friendships with all 3 of them.
I guess that's why poly draws me. I have never been able to stop loving someone once I started, even if the form of the relationship changed. It never made sense to me that you were supposed to hate your ex when just yesterday you claimed to love them.
I never really got the whole jealousy thing either. As long as someone wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with them, whatever interactions happened with others just didn't impact me the way it seemed to impact most of my friends.
I've had some other experiences with different configurations, some that turned out not to be quite what they seemed to be but none of which I regret.
Along the way, I reconnected with a long time soulmate who will always be a vital part of my life; though our relationship isn't physical, the love is tangible for sure.
Then a year ago I met Richard via OkCupid. I was mostly interested at first in simply meeting this fairly local poly guy - where I live, local and poly simply don't exist - but after our first date I was hooked.
And on our second date, he took me home to meet the rest of the family and the rest, as they say, is history.
I love the way my youngest daughter describes our relationship to her friends:
My mom's boyfriend has another girlfriend who has another boyfriend and they all hang out together.
We really do have the smoothest running polyfamily I've ever encountered and much of the credit for that goes to the ground work done by Elaine and Richard prior to the rest of us entering into the picture. I like to tell Elaine that I feel like I am just riding on her coat tails, since she did all the hard stuff and I just get to reap the benefits.
My life has taken some unexpected turns lately and plans to move in with the rest of the family are on hold for a bit. But the times we spend together are amazing and the love and support that I get from them all sustain me in ways I don't even think they realize.
These days I don't have much time to pursue any of my other interests but they include reading, playing my 12 string guitar badly, surfing the net, gathering with family and friends for fun times that usually include great food and drink, attending various school and sporting events for the kids and something I haven't managed to indulge at all this summer - beach time.
Maybe next year *sigh*