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Old 12-07-2011, 12:20 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 5,884

Originally Posted by AppleCrumble View Post
Thanks, both, for those explanations. I think we're on the same page, just using different definitions. For me, what you both described above is "caring", and that's what I feel for Sabina. Personally, I wouldn't call that (romantic) Love. I thought Love is wanting to spend your lives together, sharing house and kids and all that. But maybe that's a too narrow definition. I'm now thinking that maybe Nycindie is right that love doesn't have to mean commitment.
I think Cindie is all about commitment, but she is saying commitment does not have to mean living together, buying a house, having kids. Unless one has a dream of several poly partners living together, one can be in love with several, and committed in a sense that has been explained, that doesnt include full immersion in each others' lives 24/7.

Yes, Magdlyn, I think that's the crux of the issue in my head at the moment. But do I really need to put up walls?
No, you don't. You have been, but it seems that doesn't feel right to you.

Can't I love/care for Sabina and still sleep with her - without necessarily evolving into a life-partners (house + kids) kinda commitment? (as long as I'm clear about that with her)
Sleep with her, have sex with her, whatever. Sleeping together shows more commitment than merely having sex and then one partner leaves.

Ach, pet peeve, people saying "sleeping with" to mean fucking. Fucking is one thing, sleeping together is something else. On this board, I wish people would stop with the euphemisms already. </rant>

I still worry it's unfair to be unable to offer her the full commitment I give to Mr W, or that I'm being selfish, but so far I get the impression she feels the same way as me.. In which case, maybe this whole break in having sex is just silly (though perhaps I'm rationalising because I want it! lol).
I think stopping the fucking just because you're both starting to care MORE for each other is kinda ass backwards! If you and she both want some kind of security (X amount of hours per week together), and crave each others' presence, bodies, spirits, but don't want to live together, it sounds like you're on the same page.

Go get your rocks off.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
In a newish relationship with Steve, (33, poly)
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years
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