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Old 12-07-2011, 11:57 AM
AppleCrumble AppleCrumble is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Funny how we've been taught that love = commitment. Sometimes love just is, and there is no requirement that anything change in a relationship when that word is uttered. I find this perplexing and sometimes problematic in my own life. I just want to be able to say I love someone without there being the added notion on top of it that something else must be attached to it (such as a commitment to a certain goal, moving in, sharing more than what we share, our dynamic needing to change, etc.).
Quote:
Originally Posted by polyq4 View Post
And in my book what is love, it means being friends, caring and doing things with the other, love has that feeling that looking at the other person and just having feelings, looking past the little things and loving the whole. I ramble too much lol.
Thanks, both, for those explanations. I think we're on the same page, just using different definitions. For me, what you both described above is "caring", and that's what I feel for Sabina. Personally, I wouldn't call that (romantic) Love. I thought Love is wanting to spend your lives together, sharing house and kids and all that. But maybe that's a too narrow definition. I'm now thinking that maybe Nycindie is right that love doesn't have to mean commitment. I just always thought it did.

Oh, and ramble, polyq4? Have you seen my posts?! lol Don't worry about rambling at all!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
But of course, it is always possible another Mr Right, or Ms Right, could come along, who is so perfect for you that you also want to commit to them in some kind of permanent way. Commitment doesn't have to mean living with, or sharing finances, or having kids together... it can just mean a regular weekly date, occasionally taking vacations together, helping them with life issues (like if they need to move house and want help, or fall ill and need help with housework, babysitting each others' kids, etc etc).

It is possible to have 2 people you consider primaries, even though you live with one and not the other.

Then again, if you really want to prevent committing to another in this way, you might actually need to put up walls yourself in order to keep the relationship on a more casual level. Like you have now... saying you and Sabina can't have sex anymore because you think she trusts you too much!
Yes, Magdlyn, I think that's the crux of the issue in my head at the moment. But do I really need to put up walls? Can't I love/care for Sabina and still sleep with her - without necessarily evolving into a life-partners (house + kids) kinda commitment? (as long as I'm clear about that with her) Because if so, that would be my ideal.

I still worry it's unfair to be unable to offer her the full commitment I give to Mr W, or that I'm being selfish, but so far I get the impression she feels the same way as me.. In which case, maybe this whole break in having sex is just silly (though perhaps I'm rationalising because I want it! lol).
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