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Old 12-07-2011, 08:49 AM
Lila Lila is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility View Post
Sounds really difficult.

I wonder - how does your husband feel about your pregnancy? I mean this gently and with compassion - but is it at all possible that having another child is your version of filling the emotional need that isn't being met by your marriage?

I ask because I was discussing this sort of situation with my SO recently. I wonder how often people who are having problems in their relationships look for outside solutions? Particularly to fill the emotional need that isn't being filled by the relationship?

For me, the worry is that babies, pets and other partners all need work, effort and time. And if your emotional energy is already being used up by a difficult relationship, is there enough left over for adding somebody new?

I once hastened the end of a long-term, loving relationship by getting a puppy. The relationship was difficult at the time and in need of work - work that neither of us knew where to start with.

I have always loved dogs and forced us into getting a puppy. The puppy hastened the end of our relationship - I just didn't have the emotional energy to deal with both the relationship and the needs of the puppy.

I hope you and your husband can work together to find a solution.

IP
Hi, you are right, even though we had always planned to have 2 kids (with time running out, I am 40) it was a shock for him and I don't think he could accept it. This baby won't live anyway due to severe genetic problems, so it's just a matter of getting through this painful time. With all the stress of his revealed feelings it's been hard to cope so we have been considering whether to continue the pregnancy. The hospital recommended termination and my deadline for deciding is tomorrow. I would still have to go through the birth as normal, but either way I come home empty handed. Still my husband says we can try again, EVEN IF he starts another relationship...obviously I would have to wait and ensure that we were in a good place, other woman or not. (PS. we already tried the puppy!)
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