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Old 12-07-2011, 06:47 AM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 451

Originally Posted by Lila View Post
Thanks for responding, I know him well. Once he gets a bee in his bonnet he just won't let it go. The discussion went like this, he said, "Today I found a word for what I've been searching for, what I've been needing and feeling for quite a while. I've sent you some links to read." He wanted to discuss it after I'd read the links but I pushed him for a discussion because I knew of the word polyamory already (my worst nightmare!)
I would humbly suggest it might be worthwhile to read the links anyway. As you're discovering with this forum, you may discover things about polyamory that may not be occurring to him, like the complexity and difficulty it can introduce, how it shouldn't be used to save a marriage that's already in trouble, how it demands honesty and good communication.

Originally Posted by Lila View Post
He feels that he is half dead and needs other forms of emotional expression, to start living again, to have a relationship with someone who is dynamic and fiery and bubbly etc. He said something had to change and asked what would I consider, either polyamory, or living separate lives in the same house, or divorce. I don't want any of the above! I said I wanted to work really hard on our marriage.
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
Anyway, I said I can't agree to this right now because then what would be your incentive to work on OUR relationship? NONE!
This sounds worse and worse, and sounds less and less like genuine polyamory, as I've come to understand it.

Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I asked if he would at least wait until our baby is born (April) before making any moves and he agreed. I told him I feel vulnerable right now and have enough on my plate (baby has not developed left or right brain hemisphere - trisomy 13 genetic disorder, unlikely to be born alive).
Oh, no. I'm sorry.

For me, this really tips the scales. It seems to me he should be focused on you and what you need right now, and also on what your marriage needs . . . and not just until April!
the cake is a lie
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